Battling disorder

I have ADHD. I was born this way. Apparently, I was also born with a predisposition for suffering depression and was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder 7 1/2 years ago.

Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity) Disorder is a crappy name. Who wants to be called Disordered? Even if we are all disordered in some way! Here’s a better name: VAS—Variable Attention Syndrome. I propose this name change because I can focus, and hyperfocus, on that which interests me, but have great difficulty sustaining attention on that which I find tedious. I don’t have attention deficit; I have attention variability, thank you very much. As my dad, God rest his soul, used to say, “Ellen, when you want to do something, there’s no stopping you. When you don’t want to do something, there’s no starting you.” Now my poor husband knows that truth. *ahem*

However, there are basic tasks of living which must be accomplished. When they aren’t accomplished, the disorder that results will road-block one from working on that which truly interests. So, much as I would like to say — “Well, this is how I am, I’m going to make friends with my slovenly ways” — that road merely leads to more and more clutter. Ignoring basic organization until my counter looks like this:

Cluttered Office Counter1
This is supposed to by my office counter…

…really doesn’t work for me.

Also, allowing the depression free rein will lead to me sitting in the corner reading light, escapist fiction while ignoring my husband and children. I’ll also be stinky, smelly, and even more pudgy than I am due to not taking care of myself.

So, no, I don’t want to simply accept the disorders that lead to disorder in my life. I fight against them.

I eat well.

I take medicine.

I study Scripture.

I’m exercising more.

I write a Weekly Task Checklist.

I pray.

I’m striving to develop more productive habits and routines. And it’s working. I have seen improvement in a few areas and plan to progress that improvement into other areas of my life.

I have ADHD. I have depression. I was born this way. But I don’t have to stay this way.