Just over a month ago, I had my gall bladder surgically removed. I thought my present inertia, low motivation, and low energy were due to a slow recuperation. The slow recuperation included my digestive system shutting down and being kept overnight at the hospital instead of being released the same day. It also included feeling like I was drunk for over a week from the anesthesia. It has been just over a month and I am appalled at how sluggishly I proceed through my days.
This past week, I’ve made more of an effort to get back to “normal.” Although, honestly, I no longer know what normal is for me. It has been difficult to begin and to follow through on that which I want to accomplish. My mood has been: Meh.
Continue reading Apathy: Slow Descent back into Depression
The women were coming and I would never be ready on time.
My children were still wee young things. It must have been the Holy Spirit’s leading that had caused me to successfully get a women’s Bible study up and running in my home. Those who know me well, know that thinking of, organizing, and following through on such plans is completely unlike me. Many times on Bible study day, I recall waking up in the morning, standing in my kitchen, and wondering how I would ever be ready on time. The perpetual pile of papers was always there to accuse me of being a homemaker failure. Taking care of my children and getting hot drinks ready for a group of women daunted me. And that was the extent of my responsibilities: faith life, husband, children, home. Nothing major, nothing extraordinary, and I was overwhelmed.
What is wrong with me? I often wondered.
Continue reading Trusting God’s Promises Leads to Depression Diagnosis
Late last month, I read on Tim Fall’s blog that Mars Hill church conducts demon trials. In his post on the subject, Tim states, “It’s in comparing Mr. Driscoll’s practices to Scripture that we see he and his leadership team are making things up as they go along. They promote a false doctrine contradicting what the Bible says about demons and about the power of those who belong to Jesus.”
Last week a friend handed me the book They Shall Expel Demons, by Derek Prince. It appears to me that deceased Derek Prince also has a false doctrine contradicting the Bible.
Continue reading Demons Causing the Depression?
(I got the hashtag wrong the first time around, so I’ve published a whole new post to make it right. Ha Ha Ha! How’s that for evidence of LackofSleep?)
I desired to write eloquently about my current struggles with trying to find the right ADHD medication as well as my difficulties with LackofSleep. All of which is putting me into a zombie-depressed state. Instead, I give you my twitter exchanges on the subject and the lovely empathy I received.
I have ADHD. I was born this way. Apparently, I was also born with a predisposition for suffering depression and was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder 7 1/2 years ago.
Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity) Disorder is a crappy name. Who wants to be called Disordered? Even if we are all disordered in some way! Here’s a better name: VAS—Variable Attention Syndrome. Continue reading Battling disorder
from The Rosie Project:
“ ‘Is Gene all right?’ [Julie] asked. It was obviously a variant on that most common of formulaic interaction, ‘How are you?’
“ ‘He’s fine, thank you,’ I said, adapting the conventional reply to the third-person form.
“ ‘Oh. I thought he was ill.’
“ ‘Gene is in excellent health except for being six kilograms overweight. We went for a run this morning. He has a date tonight, and wouldn’t be able to go out if he was ill.’
“Julie seemed unimpressed, and in reviewing the interaction later, I realized that Gene must have lied to her about his reason for not being present. This was presumably to protect Julie from feeling that her lecture was unimportant to Gene and to provide a justification for a less prestigious speaker being sent as a substitute. It seems hardly possible to analyze such a complex situation involving deceit and supposition of another person’s emotional response, and then prepare your own plausible lie, all while someone is waiting for you to reply to a question. Yet that is exactly what people expect you to be able to do.”
(The Rosie Project, p. 8)
Adapting those last lines to my life would read thus: It hardly seems possible to keep track of and complete in a timely, consistent manner all that needs to be accomplished daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly. Yet that is exactly what people expect you to do.
Continue reading ADHD: Grieving for the person I wish I was
[March 11, 2014: I plan to write more on this topic as medication has played an important role in keeping the depression beast dormant.]
Depression is a beast within. Years ago in the midst of a depressive episode I sat on the living room couch during the twilight of the day. Outside, the trees were silhouetted against an indigo sky. The depression beast ate away at where emotion and purpose should have been found within me. On my lap lay my Bible, which I was reluctant to open. How can mere words on a page help? I wondered.
Continue reading The depression beast